What are you really Teaching
Ok, so this doesn't have anything to do with IT, but I still felt like sharing it here. Last Sunday I was taking a Flash class with my wife (she is a Photographer) and we had a break for lunch. Well we went out and while we where eating there was a couple sitting next to us talking about how their child screams at church. They went on to talk about how they sneak out of the room so the child wont scream.
This seems harmless, but my wife and me both disagree with doing that. We would rather look our child in the face and tell them "I love you, we will be back after church, have fun". At that point they will scream as we leave.
So what is the difference? For the couple next to us, they are teaching their child to watch their back, that you cant trust their own parents, and that if you don't pay attention, you will be left behind. We teach our children you don't have to worry about where you parents are. They will tell you, and you can trust them. They also learn what to expect, they know we are going to leave, and they learn after a few weeks that yes, we will be back after church. It's at that point when they stop crying when we leave and happily run into the room to go play, yelling back "Love you dad, see you after church".
As if that wasn't enough, today in church we talked about some of this in class. Some of the examples was telling your child "Would you go play somewhere else, I cant hear the TV" or "go to your room and play". I know I have said these things and when you look at them with the question "What are you really teaching", you get very unwanted results. The go somewhere else so I can hear the TV turns into I don't want you around or I would rather watch TV then listen to you or be with you.
Everyday we teach our children, if we mean to or not. How we react to them sets up how they will view the world. "Why can you be more like your brother" = "Measure your self against others", "You didn't clean your room, what about that sock over there" = "Even when you try your best, you still are inferior".
Parents are not the only ones to teach. There are the teachers, peers, and even TV. Only one of those teaches the foundation. As parents you lay the ground work for everyone else to build on. Build a shaky foundation and TV and peers will break it down and rebuild something you might not like. Build a bad foundation and well... Things just wont be good. But, you build a good foundation, and Teachers will add to it, you child will also surround himself with good peers and good TV.
Bottom line. Step back and look at what you are saying and doing. Strip it down to its barest form and see what it is your are teaching. What does your child take away from you say. They are simple minded and take things very plain. I'm not perfect, but I plan to start watching closer to make sure my children take away what I want them to, and when they don't? That's when we sit down and remind them we make mistakes too.